Outcast
by Ravyn Starkweather
Summary: Seifer is having a problem that he won't confide in anyone, but his best friend is dying to know what's going on...Chapter 20 is up! Please review. I'd LOVE feedback on each chapter! Sooo sorry for the wait!
1. Outcast Chapter I

DISCLAIMER

Of course, I don't own FF8 or any of the characters, but wouldn't that be hardcore if I did? Anyhoo, there's a story in the works here and I want a few reviews before I continue to see if anyone likes it. Anybody who has a problem with guys who like guys should just click 'back' right now. Okay? For the rest of us who are left, I hope you enjoy…

Outcast

His eyes were sorrowful and the veil of the egotistical megalomaniac had been lifted for perhaps the first time since he was a child. Now when he spoke, his words no longer had the cockiness behind them that everyone had come to expect. He looked like a defeated man when it came down to it. He no longer wore his famous smirk, nor did he spit the venomous insults that everyone had grown accustomed to.

This was wrong.

He was tuned down and no one could find the reason. The only part of his former self that remained was his unwillingness to talk about his problems.

No matter how much people tried to pry into his sorrow, he always managed to push them away.

The incessant midnight excursions to the Training Center were becoming quite annoying to his roommate. He would stumble in loudly, a couple hours after leaving, covered in blood, making the whole room smell like a battle.

Finally, the brunette who shared the quarters with him was fed up with his withholding of his feelings and his secrecy.

"What's going on?" He asked to the darkness one night after Seifer had returned from fighting, and was laying in his own bed on the other side of the room.

"What are you talking about?" The blonde's husky voice asked back.

"Look," His roommate responded, "It took us a really long time to become friends, but…I think of you as my best friend, Seifer, and I don't want you to keep things from me. I've told you everything that I have to tell, but here you are, all broody and just…acting weird."

Seifer chuckled bitterly in the dark.

"What is it?" Squall asked.

The blonde laughed dryly again.

"How do you do it?" He asked simply.

"Do what?" Squall asked.

"Just not care what everyone thinks about you. I mean, when you broke it off with Rinoa and finally came out and told everyone you were gay, you never looked back. You came out with who you are and you really didn't care what anyone thought about it. I just wish I could be like that."

A moment of silence fell upon the two friends.

"Who said I didn't care?" Squall asked.

"I just always assumed…"

"I do care, Seifer. No one wants to look up to someone who you can't help but look down at. I'm not a leader anymore…I never thought I wanted it, but now that I know I can never have it again, I kinda miss it. I mean, everyone was a lot more accepting than I thought they would be, but there's always those underclassmen and the other people who just don't understand. In that instance, you're right in assuming that I don't care. If people don't mean anything to me, then I really could care less what they think…Where's all this coming from, anyway? Since when do you care what people think about you?"

"Just forget it…"

Another long silence collapsed on the harshly and Squall thanked the dark silently. He was glad his roommate couldn't see his face while it reddened as he talked.

"I never thought you'd be able to share a dorm with a gay guy…" He said, his cheeks feeling like they were on fire.

"Why would it be a problem?"

"Well, I didn't even think…I don't know…you just seem like kind of homophobic...Everyone took it as a real shock when I came out, but you didn't even seem phased." The brunette laughed, "It's almost like it took me coming out of the closet to put our differences aside."

The blonde joined in on the laughter.

"No…" He disagreed, "It just took you realizing what it felt like to be an outcast, I think."

The stony silence was back and Squall fell asleep, contemplating on the truth of Seifer's statement.

When he woke in the morning, he realized that he didn't even get an answer out of Seifer. He didn't eve find out what was bothering him.

The next time he asked him, he wouldn't let Seifer change the subject like that.

They just knew each other too well…All the years of senseless rivalry ultimately just brought them closer in the long run.

When Squall left Rinoa, she moved back in with General Caraway, turning her back on Garden, which led Squall to believe that Rinoa wasn't in it for the cause, she was only in it for him.

For some reason he couldn't quite identify, that made him lose respect for her.

Now, it was like he had almost everything he wanted. _Almost._ He had a small group of accepting friends, he was active in the SeeD cause, and his best friend was like a soul mate to him.

These days, Squall was a lot more upbeat than he used to be, but his usually carefree roommate was burdened with an unnamed problem.

And it was up to Squall to find out what that problem was.


	2. Outcast Chapter II

Outcast

Chapter II

DISCLAIMER

Again, don't own any of this. I'm trying to go a certain way with this fic, and I'm sure that'll be obvious once you read the end. I would bloody LOVE a few reviews to get some feedback on this. And again, if guys that like other guys are too much for you, then click 'back'. Thanks!

--Ravyn Starkweather

Squall headed to the cafeteria. When he opened the doors a frown fell upon his face. He saw the group sitting at their usual table in the back…then he turned his head and saw Seifer sitting across the room by himself.

A questionable look spread across his face and he walked over to the blonde, trying not to let his other friends see him and try to drag him over there before he got a chance to find out what was wrong with his best friend.

He walked carefully and sat down across from Seifer.

As Squall sat down, Seifer jerked out of whatever thought he was spacing out to before his friend came up to him.

"Hey, you…" Squall said, turning his head and looking at his friend with critical eyes.

"Hey…" Seifer responded with a small smile coming onto his face.

"Okay…what is it?" The brunette asked, growing tired of being polite with asking his friend what was wrong with him.

"What's what?" Seifer asked, playing dumb and widening his eyes as if he didn't know what Squall was talking about.

"Don't play dumb with me, Seifer. What's wrong with you?" Squall paused, then added, "Don't think you distracted me last night. I just decided to let it go, but I can't let it go anymore."

Seifer laughed with his friend, knowing the last part was a lie. He had successfully distracted Squall last night, but it wasn't going to happen again.

"I'm just have a…I don't know…I'm just not myself." He said simply, looking down at the table.

"Well, I know you're not yourself and that's why I'm asking you what's wrong…You can't tell me you don't know, Seifer, because I know you do. Now what is it?"

Squall watched the Seifer.

The blonde sat, fiddling with his hands, still avoiding eye-contact with his best friend.

Squall put a hand on the moving ones to calm them down.

Seifer looked into Squall's inquisitive eyes.

"Look, I'll be in the Training Center, okay?" He said, jerking his hand away. He stood, grabbed his gunblade and began walking off.

Squall sat, confused as Seifer turned back and leaned on the table.

"We'll talk later, okay? I promise. Just give me some time."

Squall nodded and told Seifer to be back at the dorm at a decent hour so he wouldn't wake him up like he usually did.

Seifer smiled and made the promise, then he was gone.

The brunette watched his friend leave, then looked down at his hands. He could almost still feel the cold of Seifer's fiddling hands lingering on his.

A peaceful smile spread over his face as he closed his eyes.


	3. Outcast Chapter III

Outcast III

Seifer slashed the T-Rexaur one last time, grunting as he threw all his strength into it. The mighty creature fell to the ground and its breathing stopped abruptly. With the back of his arm, he wiped the gathering sweat from his forehead and blew out the breath he wasn't aware that he had been holding.

He walked over to the entrance of the Training Center and reached in the pocket of his jacket. He found his pack of cigarettes, pulled one out and slid it between his lips. He took out his lighter, lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply.

Just as he exhaled, his roommate rounded the corner of the entrance and ran up to him.

"What are you doing?" He asked, a small smile on his lips.

"Just…having a smoke break, I guess." Seifer answered, taking another drag.

"I brought my gunblade." Squall said happily, raising the weapon as proof.

"Cool…" Seifer said, coldly.

Squall's smile disappeared.

"Okay…what is it?" He said, eyes narrowing.

"I'm just having a smoke, Squall. How can you misinterpret that as anything but having a smoke?"

"Just tell me…"

"Hyne…" Seifer said under his breath, throwing the butt of the cigarette on the ground and smashing it with his boot.

"Hi, Squall." Squall said to Seifer, "My name is Seifer. I'm your very best friend in the world, so I'm going to tell you exactly what's wrong with me. It's something so big that I've been keeping it even from you, so…That big secret is…"

"I'm in love, Squall, okay! So just let it go…" Seifer blurted, threw his gunblade over his shoulder, and began walking back into the Training Center.

Squall's mouth fell open as the blonde began to walk off. The brunette gathered his thoughts and ran to Seifer, jumping in front of him and stopping him by placing two hands on his arms.

"Who?" He said simply, his eyes wide.

"That's what I'm not ready to talk about…" Seifer said, his cheeks reddening.

"This is major, Seifer…" Squall said, his eyes not decreasing in size, "You have to tell her what's going on…"

Seifer laughed bitterly.

"No…" He said, "This is going to stay just between us, understand?"

Squall laughed.

"Well, how can I tell her if I don't even know who she is?"

"Good point." Seifer smiled.

"Just tell me. You know your secret's safe with me…"

"It's someone that I could never get, Squally boy, so let's just leave it at that…"

The blonde walked further into the Training Center with his friend trailing behind him. The two trained for a couple hours, the shorter of the two constantly asking the taller one for more details and the taller politely refusing him.

The night turned out to be fun, the two best friends joking and fighting, doing what they do best.

Finally, they returned to their dorm. In the darkness and safety of their own beds, Seifer spoke into the blackness.

"Do you really think it's important to tell someone that you're in love with them?"

"Yea, yea, I do…I mean, I've never been able to do it myself, but for a more assertive person, yea…I think it's really important."

"What if it's someone that you _know_ would reject you…and it could possibly mess up something really great?"

"You never _know_ you're gonna get rejected until it actually happens, Seifer."

"Yea, well, what if it would—"

"Seifer…" Squall interrupted, "You can do this. You're the strongest person I know…okay? I know you can do this."

A silence passed, Seifer bathing in his own thoughts.

"Squall?" He asked timidly.

"Yea?"

The blonde choked on his words.

"Nothing." He finally said, "Goodnight…"


	4. Outcast Chapter IV

Outcast

Chapter IV

Seifer was brought back to consciousness quickly, still covered in sweat from his nightmare. Although he couldn't quite remember what it was, he was still shaken up. The room was dark and he could hear the soft breathing of his roommate.

The sound of him lured Seifer to lay his head back on the pillow. He sat there, creating scenarios on the back of his eyelids, imaging what their first kiss would be like.

He was still shaking and couldn't get himself to stop. It wasn't often that he had nightmares, but when he did, they made up for all the times that he didn't.

Soon, he heard his own ragged breathing drown out Squall's gentle sleeping. When he couldn't hear Squall anymore, the anxiety returned.

"Seifer…?" He heard the roommate ask quietly.

"Y-yea?" Seifer responded, trying to cease his shaking.

"You're awake?"

"Yea…" He said again.

"Bad dream…?"

"Yea…"

"Why don't you come over here? Being with someone else always makes _me_ feel better…" Squall offered.

After a moment of consideration, Seifer decided to comply and walked over to the other bed. He lay next to Squall, both of them on their backs.

"Better?" Squall asked, after a moment.

Seifer nodded in the darkness and Squall knew he had helped him.

"What happened?" The brunette asked.

"With what?"

"In your dream, what happened?"

"Oh…" Seifer said, "I don't remember, all I know is it scared me."

"Those are the worst." Squall said, turning his back on his friend and snuggling up into a fetal position. Seifer felt his best friend's bum on his thigh and tried to quell the thoughts that were running through his mind.

A low growl came from his throat as he closed his eyes and tried to think of something innocent, tried to picture anything that could take his mind off the supple body snuggling right next to him.

Nothing would work.

"Are you okay?" Squall asked, not turned around.

"Fine," Seifer lied.

"So…now that we don't really have to _look_ at each other, can you talk to me about this whole being in love thing?" The brunette asked in a light, tired voice.

Seifer had never heard a sexier voice.

"What do you want to know?" He asked lightly, trying to steer his mind from the naughty thoughts that were clouding it.

"What's the first word that comes to your mind when I say 'the person I love is'?" Squall asked, giggling slightly, playing another one of his games that he played so often these days.

"Beautiful."

"Awww! Seifie's so sensitive and _cute_!" Squall teased.

"Screw you!" Seifer said between his laughs, "See, _this_ is why I'm not telling anyone anything."

"Why won't you just tell the person that you're in love with?" The brunette asked, growing serious.

"Because…something's wrong about it. Just the fact that I love this person…it challenges everything I thought I was…It labels me in a way that I never thought I was labeled before." Seifer said truthfully.

"Ooh! It's Quistis, isn't it!" Squall asked and the excited smile on his face was audible.

"No, no it's not Quistis…"

"Hmmm…Do I know this person?"

Seifer laughed loudly.

"Oh, yea, you know this person."

"How well?"

Seifer laughed again.

"_Very_ well…" He replied, "You know this person more than I can even explain…"

Squall went to thinking as Seifer dosed off.

The silence of the room was only interrupted by Seifer's gentle breathing. Squall rolled over and watched his best friend sleep.

The mystery of his secret love was driving Squall _mad_. All the time that Seifer had been single, Squall loved every second of sharing a room with him.

He loved the way Seifer slept nude during the summer.

He loved the way Seifer abandoned his towel when the left the bathroom after a shower.

He loved the way Seifer smelled when he came back from a long night of battling.

He loved the way Seifer laughed at his dumb jokes.

He loved Seifer.

He knew his best friend wasn't gay, but the whole time Seifer was single, it helped him fantasize a little easier that _maybe_ he had a chance with him.

A perfect little fantasy, but it made the days easier to bear.

Now that Seifer was in love with someone, Squall would have to face the sad fact that this could never be.

He sighed sadly as he turned back around and snuggled up.

In his sleep, Seifer wrapped his arm around his smaller friend's waist.

Squall closed his eyes and looked forward to one more night of fantasy before he convinced the love of his life to confess his love to another.


	5. Outcast Chapter V

Chapter V

Squall's eyes fluttered open as the sun found its way over Garden. He felt a strong arm around his waist. It felt as if he was being protected. It just felt…right.

He rolled over, facing the strong blonde next to him. Squall stared at his bedmate's serene face. The slumbering beauty was the most beautiful sight he could recall seeing in all his years. The soft rise and fall of his chest was almost hypnotic to Squall.

Suddenly, the blonde opened up his deep green eyes. They were still glazed over with fatigue, but he managed a small smile.

"Hey…" He said, his voice weighed down by his lack of energy.

"Hey." Squall said back, trying to concentrate on everything but Seifer's bare chest. He was afraid that if his friend caught him staring, he would be suspicious of Squall's true feelings. He had slowly earned the fighter's trust and he didn't want to lose it because of an inability to control his feelings.

All of the sudden, Squall grew very serious, afraid to be in bed with the gorgeous man for one second longer.

He needed to leave or else…or else he was sure he would do something he would regret.

"Thank you for last night." He said shortly before bursting into laughter. "That didn't really sound right…" He said through his laughter.

Squall pushed a force laugh through his lips.

He crawled over Seifer and searched for his shirt as soon as his feet hit the ground.

"Something wrong?" Seifer asked.

"No, no nothing at all…I've just gotten myself into a bit of a predicament." Squall answered, locating a black muscle shirt and pulling it over his torso.

"Oh? And what's that?"

"A situation somewhat similar to yours."

"Hmmm…I don't think it's fair that Squally can fall in love and be all quiet about it, but when Seifer's in love, he has to tell the whole word. That just doesn't seem fair to me." Seifer said in a playfully condescending tone.

"There's no way that it's even the same thing…" Squall said back, a flash of anger clouding his usually serene eyes.

Seifer's eyes widened as he grew curious.

"Is it Zell?"

"No. Is it Selphie?"

"No. Irvine?"

"No. Xu?"

"Nuh-uh. Nida?"

"No, Seifer…"

They stared at each other as if in a stalemate. Squall raised an eyebrow in suspicion and Seifer did the same, mimicking him.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought…" Squall confessed.

"Well, you're never gonna guess it, so I guess that would be harder than you thought, wouldn't it?" The blonde teased.

"Okay…Ya know what? We're gonna settle this once and for all…Would you tell me if I tell you?"

"Yea, but only if you told me first."

"Hyne, Almasy, you're such a child."

"So, you'd tell me if I only promised I would tell you after?" Seifer tested.

"No…" Squall said sheepishly.

Suddenly, he hurried over to his desk, grabbed a blank sheet of paper and ripped it in half. He threw a pen at Seifer.

"Write her name." He demanded as he scribbled something on his half of paper with his own pen.

Seifer scrawled one simple word with a smirk on his face and his heart pounding like crazy.

He folded the paper as he saw Squall fold his and handed it to the brunette.

Squall grabbed a hat from the floor on the other side of the room and Seifer sat up in the bed, keeping the covers on his bottom half to conceal himself.

Squall threw the papers in the hat and thrust it at Seifer.

"Pick a piece of paper." He said, "If you get your own name, then we're not meant to talk about it anymore, but if you get the name _I_ wrote down, then it's meant for us to know."

"Sounds fair…" Seifer said, plucking a piece of paper from the safety of the hat.

Squall took the remaining one, unfolded it and his eyes grew wide.

Seifer unfolded his and saw the word printed in the middle of the small square.

"_You."_

"Hyne…" Seifer said aloud, thinking he had gotten his own paper.

Squall turned his paper around and displayed the same word on his.

Seifer's heart pounding in his chest as his best friend inched closer to the bed with a smile on his face.


	6. Outcast Chapter VI

Chapter VI

Seifer closed his eyes as Squall's lips pressed lightly against his. His heart hammered in his chest and he felt as if it would burst.

His breathing was growing ragged, not by the kiss, but by the fact that he was actually kissing the man that he loved. The soft kiss broke and they locked eyes.

"I never knew…" Squall said quietly.

"Neither did I…" Seifer was almost at a loss for words.

"So, does that make you—"

"No!" Seifer cut him off, shocked by the ferocity with which the word flew from him.

Squall just nodded. He completely understood what it was like to question your sexuality. It was like putting yourself under a microscope and redefining yourself. Seifer didn't understand that it didn't change who you are, it just _added _something new. He would understand in time, but pressing the subject would just ruin the beautiful moment that had been bestowed up them.

Squall leaned in and kissed the heavily breathing blonde, shutting his eyes tight and begging not to ever be woken up if this were another one of his dreams.

Seifer's kiss was softer than he imagined. He always figured Seifer would be the dominant in a kiss, and in this assumption he was correct, but there was something so…delicate in the way he kissed.

Seifer's tongue pleaded entry into Squall's wet mouth and Squall opened his mouth, allowing entry. The tongues wrestled with each other for awhile as the two men examined the mouth they had been dying to examine for so long.

Seifer placed his hand on the back of Squall's head lightly, then pressed down harder, shoving his tongue further into the petite brunette's mouth. Squall felt the blonde running his fingers through his hair and shuddered slightly.

This was like a dream come true.

The tongues continued to play with each other as their minds raced with exciting ideas on where to go from here. Seifer pulled his best friend onto the bed with him. He moved backward to give the brunette room.

He pulled Squall on top of him. Squall sat on top, straddling his bedmate while they embraced each other and suffocated one another with hot, passionate kisses.

After awhile, Seifer sat up and reversed the position. He leaned Squall over, his bum thrust up high into the air.

Squall felt himself lose his boxers.

As they made love, the two men made sweet noises to each other, whispering loving words, and feeling better than they could ever remember feeling before.

After what seemed like an eternity of rolling around in the love they felt for each other, they lay side by side, covered in sweat at the head of the bed.

"I love you, Seifer…" Squall said with a heavy voice.

"I love you, too, Puberty Boy…" Seifer replied huskily through a thin smirk.

The bigger of the two dozed off and left the brunette to ponder.

_Where do we go from here? _

_He can't even admit that he's gay…What chance do we have as a couple? _

_Seifer and Squall a couple…? Who would've thought?_

_He probably never wants this to get out. He'll probably want to keep this a secret and outside of this dorm room, he'll want it to be like this never happened. _

_But…Hyne, he's the best lover I've ever had…and I've never felt this way about anyone before. _

_Is pushing for a real relationship worth screwing this up…? _

_No…I think I'll just be quiet about it…That's a better idea. _

…_Right…? _

_I mean, the man I was in bed with tonight is not a man who's unsure of himself. When he's ready for something, he'll let me know. _

_And I guess I'll just have to wait till then. _

Seifer moaned softly in his sleep and Squall's mind flashed back to the erotic scenario they had just played out right in the very play where he lay.

"I love you, Seifer Almasy…" He said quietly, receiving Seifer's breathing as his reply.

He wrapped his lover's arm around him and fell asleep.

He needed his rest.

He would have a long morning ahead of him.


	7. Outcast Chapter VII

The Outcast Part VII

Sun peeked lazily through the blinds of the dormitory and Squall's eyes flickered open. He rolled over to find the bed empty…Where was Seifer?

He sat up and found the blonde's bed made neatly, no one in the bathroom, and a locked dorm door.

"…The Hell?" He asked in a tired voice.

He got up and wandered sleepily into the bathroom. The mirror was still fogged up. Seifer had apparently left just shortly before Squall woke.

Something was written in the fog on the mirror.

_I Love You, Leonhart_

Squall smiled lightly and felt his cheeks grow hot. It hadn't all been a dream like he had feared. He placed a hand on the side of the mirror, lingering where Seifer's finger had recently traced the succinct love note.

He closed his eyes as memories from the night before flooded his mind. This was so perfect…He was expecting to wake up and find that the previous night had been just another one of his vivid dreams, but he was wrong. This is lovely. This was perfection. This was real.

After a short shower, Squall threw his clothes on and headed to the cafeteria. Seifer was there, once again hanging out with their small group of friends and no longer detaching himself. Squall smiled and hurried over to the table.

"_Someone's_ late." Quistis said with a smile as Squall pulled a chair over and sat down.

"Yea, I didn't get much sleep last night…" Squall said, sneaking a smile to Seifer.

"Still having the dream about the Chicken-Wuss, eh?" Seifer joked, making Zell shake his head.

"Wha…" Squall started, but decided just to let it go. He was prepared for Seifer to act as though the magical night had never happened, but it still didn't sting any less when it turned out to be reality.

The morning continued to be punctuated by Seifer's gay jokes, and Squall took it good-naturedly, knowing this was Seifer overcompensating for his own questionable sexuality.

Finally, after a full day of training, the two men went back to the dorm. The long walk was burdened with silence.

When they reached the room, Squall unlocked the door and went inside, Seifer close behind him.

Seifer spun Squall around and slammed him against the door, claiming his mouth with a deep kiss.

"I've been holding this in all day…" He said, breathlessly fumbling with Squall's zipper.

Squall complied, although he wanted to talk over all the animosity that Seifer was pushing onto him in public.

They made love again, this time on Seifer's bed, and lay there afterwards, speaking relentlessly about absolutely nothing. A long silence fell upon them. Seifer broke this by asking a question.

"Did you get the note I left you this morning?"

"On the mirror?"

"Yea…"

"Yea, I got it."

"It's true, ya know…"

"Well, I love you too."

"You know it's true, right?"

"Yea, Seifer, I know…"

"I mean…" Seifer began to sound more serious than Squall had ever heard him before, "No matter how I act, I really do love you."

"Well, how come you can't just act like you love me all the time?"

Seifer was silent.

"I guess I'm just waiting for the day when you can kiss me right in the middle of Garden, at the table, in front of everyone, in the Training Center, when we go to town…Everywhere. That's what I want, but I can understand." Squall said, his voice weighed down by sleep.

"Squall, I know, but I can't--I mean, I'm not---Ya know…"

"Yea, okay…"

Squall eventually dozed off, leaving the blonde awake by himself. He sat up and looked down at his lover. He leaned over and kissed the scar on his beautiful face.

"I really do love you…" He said to the slumbering bedmate.

Seifer's head finally found its way back to the pillow and he sighed heavily. He didn't know how he could have done this.

_I'm not gay!_

_It's kind of hard to think that when Squall's laying right next to me and I can't stop thinking of how sexy he looks right now._

_It's hard to say I'm completely straight when I want nothing more than to have sex with Squall again. _

_He wants a commitment…That's normal, right? I mean, when you fall in love, you want that person to be yours and yours only. You don't want that person to deny you in public or act like they're ashamed of you when every one else around. _

_Hyne, Squall, I'm not ashamed of you. I could never be ashamed of you. You're so damn perfect…I mean, you're everything I want. _

_But…_

_I'm just…_

_I'M NOT GAY!_

Seifer fell asleep to the sound of his contradicting thoughts. He had a decision to make. He knew no matter how much Squall loved him, he wouldn't wait around forever. Either Seifer would come to terms with who he really is, or he would lose his lover forever.


	8. Outcast Chapter VIII

Chapter VIII

When Squall woke, thin rays of the Balamb sun were sneaking their way in through the window.

He stumbled to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and walked back out. He plopped onto Seifer's bed, where he had fallen asleep and glanced over at his own bed on the other side of the room.

He saw a lump under the covers and realized that Seifer hadn't left the dorm. He was sleeping in Squall's bed.

Squall walked over and placed his hand on the back of his slumbering lover.

"Seifer?" He said softly.

The blonde stirred in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open lightly.

"Seifer." Squall said again, louder this time.

The blonde turned to face his lover. He saw the hurt in Squall's steel blue eyes.

"What's going on?" The brunette asked.

"Nothing…" Seifer said, sitting up slowly, his voice drenched in exhaustion.

"Then why is it that you fall asleep with me and when I wake up, you're over here?" Squall asked.

"You fell asleep first, Squall, and I couldn't stop watching you…"

Squall's face reddened.

"I just kept thinking on how I'm not even good enough for you…How I need to come to terms with who I am, but how I'm not even sure if I know who I am anymore…"

"Seifer, you--" Squall started.

"Let me finish…" Seifer said, raising a hand to silence his lover. "I'm just telling you how it feels to me…I had to come over here to think by myself…Being next to you was so distracting."

Squall's eyes focused on the ground as Seifer stood.

He was still naked from the night before.

He stumbled into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Squall sat on his bed, burying his head in his hands.

_I can't force him to do this…I can't force a relationship on him no matter how much I want him. It's just not fair. I'm taking him out of his comfort zone and that's just not right. He can't accept the fact that he's not straight. He can't admit it to himself, he can't admit it to me and he sure as Hell can't admit it to anyone else. I just need to accept the fact that, if Seifer and I are going to be anything, it's only going to be behind closed doors, in private…Away from everyone. _

Squall was buried in his thoughts as the bathroom door opened. Seifer emerged from the room, a towel wrapped around his waist.

The brunette looked up at the loveliness of the man standing before him. His body looked as though it had been chiseled from flawless stone…His strong features made Squall just want to kiss him even more.

Squall rose from the bed and walked over to Seifer.

For the first time in the relationship, Squall forcefully kissed his lover, his tongue roaming around. He swiftly removed the towel and pulled the blonde over to the bed.

Seifer replied with a shocked look and a small smirk on his face.

"I'm so sorry, Seifer…" Squall said, kissing him again.

"I don't need a relationship," The brunette said between the hot kisses, "I just need you."

"I love you, Squall…"

"I love _you_…"

They made love again, more passionately than ever before.

Seifer clutched Squall's hips as he thrust inside him, digging his nails into his sides.

Squall yelped in the midst of the pain and pleasure, screaming Seifer's name and panting lovely words to the man behind him.

Seifer reached around and grabbed Squall's manhood, pleasuring him as he was being pleasured.

They reached the end simultaneously, crying out together as Seifer collapsed on top of Squall.

They lay there, covered in sweat, their voices hoarse from screaming.

"Hyne…" Seifer said with a smile, "Where did that come from?"

Squall laughed lightly, all the energy taken from him.

"I just want you to know that I'm not pushing for anything…" He said softly, "Take your time…"

"You know we're late for breakfast with everyone, right?" Seifer said with a laugh.

"Who cares?" The brunette replied, kissing Seifer lightly on the collarbone.

"You don't think we were too loud, do you?" Seifer asked, trying his best not to give into the temptation of the sexy man laying with him.

"Who's around to hear us?" Squall asked.

"Good point…" Seifer replied with a smirk as he kissed Squall, the temptation getting the best of him.

While the two lovely men made out on Squall's bed, Quistis stood in the hallway, baffled, her hand over her mouth.


	9. Outcast Chapter IX

Outcast IX

Squall walked to the cafeteria alone, his hair slightly askew, with a wicked smile on his face. The amount of foreplay was enough to wear anyone out, but having sex twice after that just left you dead tired.

They had both fallen asleep afterwards, cuddled up close to each other, but Squall woke, desperate to keep up appearances for Seifer's sake. He felt a need to come down to the cafeteria and see everyone so there would be no suspicions.

As he opened the doors and walked into the cafeteria, everyone greeted him, smiling.

"Where's, um…Where's Seifer?" Quistis asked, her arms folded across her breasts.

"Up in the dorm…Still asleep." Squall answered, looking down at the table.

"Must be pretty tired…" Quistis said, "Wonder what from…You guys barely came out of the dorm yesterday and all…I mean, it just seems strange that he's so tired…"

Squall looked around, relieved that the rest of the group was deeply involved in their own menial conversation.

"Yea…well…" Squall said, searching his brain for an excuse, "See, I think Seifer's coming down with something. He was pretty sluggish all day yesterday…Didn't even really get out of bed, ya know? So I just stayed there to keep him company."

"Seems like a nice thing to do…" The strawberry blonde said, a small smile on her glossy lips.

"Yea, well…He'd do the same for me…"

"I'm sure he would." She chuckled.

Just then, the doors of the cafeteria opened and Seifer walked in, smiling. Squall's lips parted slightly. He looked absolutely amazing.

Quistis's mere presence brought him back to reality and he looked down at the table, hiding his interest.

_What the Hell is going on? What's with all the weird questions? Why is she looking at me like that? _

Seifer pulled up a chair and sat at the edge of the table, between Quistis and Squall.

"Hello, lovelies…" He said with a smirk.

"Hey…" Squall said, looking at the table.

"Something wrong?" Seifer asked.

"No, fine…" Squall said, quietly.

Quistis giggled.

Squall looked up at her.

"Seifer…Are you feeling any better?" She asked, her gaze still stuck on Squall.

"What are you talking about? I'm fine…" Seifer asked, his voice soaked in confusion.

"Seifer, you don't have to lie…" Squall said, his face turning red, hiding his nervousness in a chuckle, "I told her about yesterday and why you didn't leave the dorm because you weren't feeling well and how I was in there keeping you company…" He said quickly.

"Ah, yes…" Seifer said, nodding and smiling at the strawberry blonde.

Squall envied his composure and showmanship.

"Why lie, then?" Quistis asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, Quistis, I just didn't want you to think of me as less manly…"

His joke was rewarded with heartfelt laughter from Quistis.

"Well, if you're feeling better, why don't we go do something tonight?" Quistis asked.

Squall had never seen her this forward.

He could tell something was wrong.

He could _feel_ it.

"Tonight…?" Seifer said, sneaking a look at Squall.

Squall nodded almost unnoticeably.

"Sure…" Seifer replied, "I'll be there with bells on…"

"I'd prefer you didn't wear them." Quistis said seductively, leaning in close to him.

She stood and looked down at Seifer,

"Meet me at my dorm at seven?"

"Sure…" Seifer smiled.

The woman left, leaving Squall and Seifer staring at each other.


	10. Outcast Chapter X

Outcast X

The couple excused themselves after a brisk breakfast and went back up to the dorm. Seifer's eyes were wide as Squall closed and locked the door behind them.

"What the Hell was that?" The blonde asked.

"She wants you." Squall said, sitting on the bed.

"No, Squall, she wants _you_, she just can't have you because you're…ya know…"

"She didn't pretty much give _me_ an invitation to sex, Seifer. She gave it to you."

"That's because she _can't_ give it to you…Look, stop acting this way. If you didn't want me to go, you shouldn't have given me permission." Seifer said, towering over his lover.

"It's not that I don't want you to go, Seifer, but we're not even a couple or anything. Who am I to say you can't do something…Right?"

_I WANT us to be, Squall…I want to kiss you in front of the world and to tell everyone how much I love you. I don't care WHAT label anyone puts on me as long as I'm with you…I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you…_

"Right…" Seifer said, lying to his own thoughts as well as Squall. "I mean, it's not like we even _need_ a real relationship, right?"

"Right…" Squall lied as his thoughts were commanding him to beg Seifer for something…_real_.

"So...the sex is enough then…We're free to do whatever we want?" Seifer confirmed.

"Yea…" Squall lied.

And the two stood there like that, lying to each other's faces and denying their true feelings for each other. They both knew that they loved each other, but they also felt that the other felt that there was no need for a real relationship.

Neither of them wanted anything more than a real relationship with the other.

That night, as Seifer was getting dressed for his date, Squall stood in the doorway of the bathroom, watching him.

"You look so damn sexy…" He said with a smirk. Seifer chuckled as he sprayed on his cologne.

"Good choice…" Squall commented, "That smell drives me crazy…"

Seifer walked up to Squall and caressed his face softly.

"You're sure you're okay with this?"

"If you are…" Squall said, unable to make eye-contact. He could never make eye contact when he was lying to someone he cared about.

"I'll be back soon, okay?" Seifer said, offering a small smile to his lover.

"Take your time." Squall said, quietly, "No worries."

After a small parting kiss, the blonde left the dorm, slowly walking down the hall, listening to only the sounds of his shoes on the shiny hallway.

Every thought he had in his mind was telling him this was wrong. Then out of nowhere, he remembered the feelings that he had felt for Quistis. He never thought she could feel the same way, so he covered up these feelings by acting like an asshole.

That's what he always did.

Finally, he reached the beautiful woman's dorm and knocked lightly.

Quistis opened the door wearing a light blue silk robe, her strawberry blonde hair cascading over her shoulders.

Candles burned brightly behind her.

"Hey, Seifer…" She said breathily. Seifer could smell the alcohol on her breath and prayed that she had left some for him.

His prayers were answered as she allowed him to step inside her quarters. He saw the bottles of liquor on her night table and smiled.

He walked in and made himself comfortable immediately, which is what he did anywhere. He kicked his shoes off next to the door and sat down on the soft bed in the middle of the room.

"Pour you a drink?" Quistis offered, motioning to the bottles.

Seifer nodded with a childish smile on his face. His eyes went from the bottles to the swell of Quistis's breasts to the suggestive curve of her hips and back to the bottles.

If he couldn't have the others, he'd at least have a drink.

The two downed shots for a couple hours until both of them were giggly and undeniably drunk.

"So, really, why did you ask me here?" Seifer asked through his slur.

Quistis just laughed wildly. It was a girlish giggle that he had never heard from her before.

Suddenly, she leaned in and kissed him.

Seifer kissed back, not quite knowing what else to do, but thoroughly enjoying the kiss itself. His hand went up to cup her face, but he was shocked not to find Squall's strong jaw under his palm. Quistis's soft features were quite different from the sexy man that he had grown accustomed to being with.

Her lips were…softer. Not better, but softer.

Quistis moved Seifer's hand from her face to her breast and Seifer felt quite a difference there. All these new senses were exciting Seifer. Being with Squall so frequently had left him…ignorant of a woman's touch. He had forgotten how it was. He had been lost in Squall, and he just realized it.

"Make love to me…" She broke the kiss in a fierce whisper and Seifer was shocked by her boldness.

He leaned back slightly and got a good look at the woman's face.

"Really? Are you sure?" He asked, breathlessly.

She nodded enthusiastically, her hair falling in her face, making her look even more seductive.

He stripped her of her robe as if he were unwrapping a delicate present. He stripped off the clothes he had so carefully put on just hours before, and between kisses, he lay her down at the head of the bed.

They made love quickly, speeding it up with cries of passion and heavy breathing.

It felt strange for Seifer. He wasn't used to having sex without gazing at Squall's glossy hair or watching his muscular back or seeing his fists clenching the sheets.

Looking down at this delicate woman felt…_odd._

As everything slowed down and they both reached their peak, Seifer quickly moved from his position on top of her and rolled over to his side. He wrapped himself tightly in covers, still inebriated from the expensive liquors that Quistis had bestowed upon him.

He heard a tired chuckle come from the other side of the bed.

"I _knew_ it was a misunderstanding…" She said and he could _hear_ the smile on her face.

…_The Hell…?_

His mind questioned the meaning before the alcohol and the exhaustion caught up with him and weighed him down to sleep like an anchor.


	11. Outcast Chapter XI

Outcast XI

Squall sat up as he woke up suddenly. He had slept in his lover's bed the night before in a vain attempt to feel closer to him. As he opened his eyes, he turned and looked at the other side of the bed. His heart sank when he saw that it was empty.

"Seifer…" He said quietly, the volume weighed down by exhaustion and sorrow.

He shook his head, trying to wake himself up. He stood and stumbled into the bathroom. As he closed the door behind him, he leaned his head on the wall, trying not to think the worst.

Seifer opened the dorm room door quietly and poked his head in. He was sorry to see that Squall wasn't still asleep in bed, but he figured that Squall had gone into the bathroom, not bothering to notice that Seifer wasn't in his bed.

Seifer quickly stripped off his clothes and jumped into bed. He pulled the covers over him and attempted to pretend that he was asleep.

_What the Hell was I thinking last night? I mean, honestly, though, would Squall really care? We're not even in a committed relationship or anything like that, so I shouldn't worry about it. But I know he'd be pissed if he knew I stayed the night over there. Wouldn't he? I mean, wouldn't I be pissed off if he spent the night in someone else's bed? Hell, I'd be pissed off if he had sex with anyone else…I can't believe he even let me go. Maybe he's not as…stuck on me as I thought he was. I mean, that's a good thing, though, right? I mean, I'm NOT gay…I'm not—_

Just then the bathroom door opened and Squall walked out. He looked at the lump in Seifer's bed with a raised eyebrow.

"Morning, Seifer." He said, seeing through the blonde's attempt to feign sleep.

"Hey…" Seifer said, turning around and meeting Squall's steel blue gaze.

"So…What did—" Squall started, but stopped before he could even finish the sentence. Part of him didn't want to know what had happened last night. And the other part of him desperately _needed_ to know. For once, he tried not to let the desperate side of him win.

"What?" Seifer asked.

"Oh, nothing…" The brunette said passively, turning away from his lover and sitting down on his own bed.

"What time did you get in last night?" Squall asked, as he pulled shoes onto his feet, unable to look at his love's face.

"Oh, not too late…" Seifer lied, assuming he was correct and that Squall hadn't noticed his empty bed earlier. "We had a couple drinks and…then, I just came back here…Um, now my head hurts a bit, so I think I'll just stay here instead of going down to the cafeteria…"

Squall closed his eyes and paused in the middle of lacing up his shoes. If Seifer was lying to him, that only meant that the worst had happened.

Squall knew Seifer had spent the night with Quistis.

He could only hope that he hadn't shared his body with her the way he had shared it with him.

"Well…I'm just gonna run down and get some coffee…" Squall said, trying not to let tears cloud his vision.

"All right." Seifer said, turning away from the door. He couldn't look Squall in the face and lie to him.

Squall placed his hand on the doorknob and started to turn it.

"Hurry back…" Seifer said, still not turning to face him.

"Huh?" Squall asked, looking at Seifer's muscular back.

"I missed you last night…" The blonde said simply in explanation.

Squall nodded and headed out, closing the door behind him.

Now alone, Seifer sat up in bed. He buried his head in his hands and shook it harshly.

"Seifer, Seifer, Seifer…" He said to himself, "What the Hell have you done?"


	12. Outcast Chapter XII

Outcast XII

"I'm back…"

Squall's voice jerked Seifer out of his deep train of thought. He sat up in his bed and turned over to the door.

Squall stood in front of the closed door, a Styrofoam cup full of steaming coffee in his hand.

"Sip?" Squall asked, offering the cup to his lover, his grey eyes clouded over with some unnamed emotion.

"Don't like black coffee…" Seifer said simply as the brunette sat on his bed against the opposite wall.

Seifer knew Squall liked his coffee black.

He knew that Squall liked to be held after sex.

He knew that Squall liked to be kissed on the neck.

He knew what Squall liked…And Squall liked _him_.

A wave of guilt washed over the stunning blonde as he dropped his head. Should he just come clean right now and admit what happened last night? He was pretty sure that Quistis would have blabbed to half of Garden by now already. It was only a matter of time before Squall found out for himself. What would be the best way? For him to hear it from another person, or for it to come from his lover's mouth?

Seifer figured the latter of the two would hurt his Squall less.

"Squall…We need to talk." He said, looking across the room into those cold, grey eyes.

"I figured that we would…" The brunette lowered his head, searching for answers in the hot black liquid, letting his hair fall into his eyes.

He closed them tightly, preparing himself for whatever the blonde was about to throw at him.

_He loves her. _

_He doesn't want me. _

_  
He's leaving me for her. _

_  
Is there really an 'us' for him to leave?_

_What in Hyne's name is going on here?_

"Squall…" Seifer started, still looking at him, trying to catch a glimpse of those beautiful orbs, but failing.

"Something happened last night…" He continued, "Something that I can try to explain, if you'll let me."

"You're leaving me, aren't you?" Squall asked in a meek voice, still not daring to look up.

"No!" The word exploded from him before he could coat with his Seifer brand of coolness. "No, Squall…No." He couldn't think of anything else to say.

"You fucked her, didn't you?"

The room filled with an uncomfortable silence. Seifer averted his eyes.

Squall let out a sigh and looked up at the blonde with a look of disbelieve clouding his face. Then he shrugged and looked away.

"I don't know why I'm surprised…" He said under his breath, "I should've seen this coming."

"No…Squall…Let me explain."

Seifer stood from his bed, clad only in boxers and Squall forced himself to keep his eyes off of the glorious body before him. If he gave into temptation, Seifer would never how much he had really hurt him.

Seifer kneeled at the edge of Squall's bed and lightly rested his hands on his thighs.

Squall looked down at him.

He wanted to throw his scalding hot coffee into the beautiful face.

He wanted to pick up his gunblade and rip him to shreds.

He wanted to stop his heart from beating just like Seifer had broken his.

Even so…

He wanted to take that face in his hands and kiss those soft lips.

He wanted to feel him inside of him again.

He wanted to turn back time and never let him go with Quistis last night.

Seifer could feel Squall's legs tensing up under his touch. This was to be expected. Seifer thought back and realized this was the first time that Squall ever looked as though he didn't want him to be touching him.

"Let me explain…" He said lightly.

"So, then, explain…" Squall said, "I don't know why you're even bothering."

"Because I love you, dammit!" Again, words bursting from his lips without approval from his brain.

Shock overcame Squall and his eyes opened wide, revealing it.

"Squall…listen…" Seifer paced his words, gaining control of himself again. "I've wanted Quistis for as long as I can remember…"

Just when Squall thought his heart couldn't sink any lower, it did.

"When she was instructing us," Seifer continued, "I used to dream about bending her over that desk and fucking her…Just _fucking_ her, Squall. No kissing…No holding. Just hot _fucking_. And every time I got closer to her, the dreams would get worse. It got to the point where I could _smell her hair_, Squall. It seemed to realistic. Her body just…there for me to use. _Use_…" He averted his eyes again and felt his cheeks grow hot from the confession.

"But…" He started again after a moment of embarrassment, "But…A couple months ago, instead of her…I was fucking you, Squall. But it wasn't _fucking_. We were making love right here in the dorm. I mean, how the Hell do you think that felt? I'm not gay, Squall and all of the sudden, I'm having sex dreams about my best friend. I felt like I didn't even know who I was anymore, so…I mean, you need to bear with me here. That's why I was so withdrawn and depressed and just…I didn't feel like I knew myself anymore and…That's not a good feeling, Squall…But…This whole time we've been together, I've been trying to convince myself that I wasn't gay and so the first chance I got to be with a woman…subconsciously I needed to take it, I guess. And on top of it all, it's was the woman I've been fantasizing about for years. I don't know what else to tell you. I feel like shit…I mean, like a complete asshole and I don't even feel like I'm good enough for you to _look_ at me. If you don't want to forgive me, that's fine, but…I love you, Squall and I always will. I just…I fucked up, okay?"

With that, the blonde rose and started walking towards the door.

Squall sat on his bed in bewilderment, completely shocked at the confession that had just been laid out in front of him.

"Seifer…" He said softly, releasing his grip on the cup without his knowledge.

The coffee spilled from the cup and began to seep into the dark carpet, but neither of them noticed.

The blonde turned around to see Squall standing right before him. The brunette couldn't help but grab that beautiful face in his hands and kiss those lovely lips.

Seifer kissed back, surprised at Squall's reaction to the confession. He expected to be thrown out of the dorm…thrown out of Squall's life. After the kiss broke, Squall wrapped his arms around Seifer and buried his head in the blonde's chest.

This felt _wrong_.

Seifer felt like he didn't deserve to have this beautiful person holding him so closely, seeking solace in him.

"Squall…" Seifer said lightly, taking a step back, "I can't do this…"

With that, he gathered up the clothes next to his bed andleft the dorm, closing the door lightly behind him and leaving Squall standing there, bewildered. He couldn't conceal the tears any longer and they fell to the floor as well, joining the spilt coffee.

The brunette walked slowly to Seifer's bed and dropped onto it. He lay on his side, his head on the pillow. He could smell Seifer in every fiber of the bed.

He wanted his lover back and he would do anything to make that happen.

But, deep down, he felt that the best thing to do was to just give him time by himself to sort out whatever he needed to sort out. And if, maybe, he decided that this wasn't for him…He would abide by that was well.

But that's the thought that made the tears continue to creep from his eyes.


	13. Outcast Chapter XIII

The halls never looked so empty as they did that morning. After slipping on his clothes, Seifer walked toward his destination, his heart beating steadily in his throat.

When he approached the door, it seemed to be mocking him, daring him to make a move. He raised a hand to knock, but hesitated, unsure of what words to use when the door finally did open. With all the courage he could muster, he rapped his knuckles three times against the hard wood door. It opened quickly and his heart skipped a beat.

"Back so soon?"

"We need to talk…" Seifer said simply, inviting himself inside. Quistis, looking quite bewildered, closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong?" she asked, ripping her role as seductress.

"Last night was a mistake." The words left his lips before he had time to think about the consequence for his statement.

"What!" She asked. The word seemed to explode from her in a frenzy of shock and anger. Seifer immediately looked at the floor, trying to avoid the furious eyes of the woman in front of him.

"Why?" She finally asked, regaining the composure that she so carefully hid behind every day of her life.

"Because…There's S—There's someone else…" He stopped abruptly, almost giving away the name of his secret love.

"Who!"

It was almost amusing how she could only speak in questions now.

"I can't say…" Seifer said quietly, looking down at the ground.

"I know _exactly_ who it is." Quistis said, pointing an accusing finger at him. Seifer felt his heart skip a beat once again. He was beginning to fear that by the end of the day, he would've suffered a massive coronary.

"You…what…?" Seifer asked, peering into her all-knowing light blue eyes. Her anger reflected in them, making them almost impossible to look into.

"I _know_…"

Seifer looked at her bewildered.

"Squall." She said simply.

"What the Hell are you talking about!" Seifer managed to stammer out, "I'm not gay!"

The words burst from him with a ferocity that almost scared him. He knew how defensive he sounded.

Too defensive…

Quistis suddenly got a wicked smile on her face as she spoke.

"Do you think no one can hear through your dorm door?"

Suddenly he knew what she was smiling at.

It was the look on his face.

He felt the redness in his cheeks.

He closed his eyes, beaten.

"Quistis, listen…" He started.

"No, you shut up." She said, raising a hand to his lips. "I have something that you don't want people to know…Therefore, I have something you want…My silence…But, Seifer, my dear, you've got something I want too…"

"What? Quistis, I don't have anything you—"

His sharp gasp interrupted him as Quistis latched onto his manhood through his pants. Despite the anger he felt for the woman fondling him, he couldn't stop the blood from flowing to his member.

"Catch my drift?" She asked.

Seifer closed his eyes, bit his lip, and nodded slowly, picturing Squall's hand in place of Quistis's.

A/N: Hey…It's Ravyn…Umm, sorry this one took so long to upload, but the new chapters should be pretty quick after this one. So, again, sorry to keep you guys waiting! Review and tell me what ya think!

--Ravyn Starkweather


	14. Outcast Chapter XIV

Outcast XIV

Cursing his own emotional limitations, Squall felt the tears sliding down his face. He wasn't strong enough to keep them in any longer, and part of him didn't want to. He _needed_ to cry this out. He _needed_ to rid himself of this awful feeling buried in the pit of his stomach.

Would Seifer come back to him…??

He looked over at his gunblade across the room…He needed to kill something…_Anything_.

He almost wanted to turn the gunblade onto his own face, slashing it into bloody pulp. Then, he wanted to ruin's Seifer's beauty. He wanted to make him unrecognizable so he could never make the mistake of loving him again…

…But, then, he didn't want to. He _couldn't_.

He never loved anyone even close to the way that he loved Seifer. This wasn't a fucking _fling_ and he knew that.

…At least to him it wasn't.

He silently questioned where Seifer was _now_. Did he go to the Training Center??

No, his beloved gunblade still leaned against the wall in the corner.

Was he at Quistis's dorm?? Could he _really_ do that again??

All Squall kept thinking of was Seifer's startling confession of his lust for Quistis. Whether or not he still admitted that he had it, Squall knew that Quistis could give Seifer something that he never could.

Comfort.

The comfort of never having to worry about being labeled as a fag.

He buried his head in his hands once again, hoping and praying for his warrior to come back.

_I don't care what you've done, Seifer…We can work through it. _

_Just please…Come back to me…_


	15. Outcast Chapter XV

Outcast XV

Her moans were enough to keep him going.

She _was_ sexy, that couldn't be denied. And part of him still loved having her bent over before him.

But…Something was missing. And that something was Squall.

He wondered if Squall would even take him back after this.

He wondered if Quistis noticed that this was the second time today he had opted to fuck her from behind…It reminded him of all the times he had been with Squall.

"Yes! _Yes!_" She screeched as she launched into an orgasm. This made him follow her lead and collapse on her back, his sweat mingling with hers. She giggled throatily as he pulled out of her and began to walk away.

"How long are we going to keep doing this??" He asked, bringing his boxers up from his ankles.

"As long as you need me to keep your dirty little secret." She pushed some of her strawberry locks behind her ear as she laughed ruefully.

Seifer shook his head. Any other man would have killed to be Quistis's love slave, but now that it was happening to him, he would trade it for anything in the world.

He thought of the Trepies and wondered if they knew what they were in for.

He wondered if anyone would have ever guessed how Quistis really was…

He sure as Hell hadn't.

"Listen…" He started, "I—" He stopped himself, completely unsure of what could possibly come out of his mouth that would make her change her mind. Nothing could make her call of this filthy little game of hers, could it?? He was her slave now, and there was nothing he could do about it at this point.

"I'm listening…" She said, the smug smile never leaving her face.

"Nothing."

"That's right."

He scoffed audibly at the cockiness that she had seemingly developed overnight.

"There's no way out of this, is there??" He finally asked, after they stood, staring at each other for what seemed like…well, too damn long.

"Leave him." She said, simply.

"Wha-?"

"Leave him. Now. Go to his dorm and tell him it's over."

The smile had finally vanished and he could almost see what was going on behind her pale blue eyes.

She still loved Squall…He could tell now. Completely.

This wasn't some sick twisted game she was playing. Seifer was the closest thing she could have to Squall, since she had never gotten him all that time ago.

"Quistis…I understand how you feel, but-"

"Bullshit, you understand how I feel! You don't know how it is. First, he goes for that little slut, Rinoa…Then after that he starts fucking guys…I mean, that was bad enough. But, then he goes after _you_?? Seifer, I mean, what the Hell?? Hyne _knows_ how long I've just…I've just wanted to kiss him."

A twinge of sympathy pulled at Seifer's heart. He forced it back, trying to maintain the pure hatred he felt for her.

"If I can't have him, you shouldn't either." She said. "And at least you're a good lay. We'll do this every fucking day or I'll out you quicker than you could even imagine."

"I'm. Not. Gay." Seifer said in a monotone voice that barely convinced himself.

"Just try me." She said, that sick little smile returning. She went over to the bed and lay down, her hair spilling over the pillows as she spread her legs.

"One more thing." She said, as she motioned Seifer over.

"What??" He asked.

"Let me call you Squall."


	16. Outcast Chapter XVI

Outcast XVI

Seifer lay in the midst of an unsavory situation.

All he could think of as the slumbering woman next to him quietly snored was what Squall was doing at the moment. Was he sitting on his bed with his head in his hands, waiting for Seifer to come back and tell him how he _truly_ felt?? Was he in the Training Center transposing every Grat and T-Rexaur's face with Seifer's?? Was he even _thinking_ of him??

Did he even give a shit??

He sighed and rolled over, causing Quistis to fall from him to the mattress. He rose silently and slowly, praying to Hyne that she wouldn't wake up in the middle of his escape.

He quickly clothed himself, trying to tone down the rustling of his clothes and the nervousness of his breathing. As he cracked the door open, he took one more look back at her and shook his head.

He closed the door as silently as possible and made his way down the hall, his feet the only sound audible, imbruing the stealthy silence of curfew.

Finally, he reached the door of his beloved. His heart jumped in his throat.

The blonde prepped his hand to knock on the door, but instead lowered it and gripped the doorknob. He stood there, rehearsing what to say to the shy brunette that was inside.

_Hey, man, I'm sorry. _

_No…That wouldn't work._

_Look, I don't know how to say this but—_

_Squall, listen, I need to talk to you. _

_Squall, I'm sorry for what happened. _

_Squall, I need to tell you…_

_Squall…_

_Squall…_

_Squall…I love y—_

The door opened and the lovers locked eyes.


	17. Outcast Chapter XVII

Outcast XVII

"Seifer…" Squall was breathless.

"Squall." All he could speak was the stoic angel's name.

All his rehearsal flew out the window the second he lay eyes upon that face.

In reality, it hadn't been terribly long since he'd seen him, but he unconsciously vowed never to go that long again.

He looked over the shorter man's clouded, steel blue eyes and the scar than ran between them.

_Their _scar.

He looked down and saw the gunblade in the brunette's hand. His heart began to beat even faster. Squall's gaze followed Seifer's, and he threw the gunblade back into the room.

Seifer had never seen Squall show such recklessness with his beloved weapon.

"I was just heading out to the Training Center…" Squall said, finally finding his voice, "W…What're you doing here, Seifer??"

Seifer heart jumped a bit at the sound of Squall saying his name, but he shook it off, trying to hide his feelings…yet again.

"I…Well, ya know, I came to see you."

"Quistis let you out??"

Seifer bit his lip and scoffed. He had to admit that what Squall said really _had_ hurt him. And he realized that was all he was…

He was just Quistis's whore. Her slave.

There was so much more to Seifer Almasy than someone's whore. He had already been the Sorceress's Knight. He already swore to himself that he would never be anyone's slave ever again…

But here he was.

And why??

Because he couldn't come to terms with his _real_ feelings.

He didn't need someone holding something over his head for the rest of his life.

He didn't need to be someone's whore.

He needed someone to understand and accept him, no matter what choice or decision he decided to make.

He needed someone to love him…really, _really_ love him.

He needed…Squall.

Without finding the words to convey his newfound realizations, he simply took Squall's face in his hands and kissed the pouty lips he'd been imaging on Quistis.

Surprisingly, Squall kissed him back. Seifer pushed Squall into the door and the brunette reached behind him and opened it. They stepped inside and Seifer kicked the door back closed without the two of them ever taking a break from their passionate kisses.

Seifer finally stepped back when Squall's kisses turned salty. He looked down at his love and saw tears streaming from those grey-blue orbs.

"Squall??" The blonde asked, his eyebrows raised in concern.

"Seifer…" Squall said, not even attempting to wipe the tears from his face, "I just…I _can't_ keep doing this."

"I know, baby…" Seifer said, almost surprised to hear himself say the term of endearment, "I'm yours, Squall. I swear to _Hyne_ that as long as you'll have me, I'll never so much as _look_ at anyone else. Man or woman. I love you."

Squall opened his mouth, waiting for words to tumble out.

"What about Quistis??" Squall asked, breathless.

"_Fuck_ Quistis..." He said, immediately lamenting his choice of words, "You know what I mean..." He said, eliciting a small smile from his warrior.

"But, isn't she like...in love with you??" Squall asked.

Seifer laughed bitterly. "Trust me, babe. It's not _me_ she wants."

He laughed again, dryly, and crossed over to his bed and sat down.

"What do you mean??"

"It's a long story..." Seifer started, "Sit down."

Squall sat on the bed across from the blonde, leaned forward, intent on hearing whatever had Seifer so wound up.


	18. Outcast Chapter XVIII

Outcast XVIII

"I _had_ to draw the line when she insisted on calling me your name." The blonde finally finished his story. Despite its length, the smaller man was riveted throughout the entire tale.

"You need to get back before she wakes up." He said simply, everything looking so resolved and clear in those steel blue eyes.

"What?!" Seifer asked, incredulous as to what his lover had just said. "You're kidding right??"

"No…" Squall said, "As long as I can still see you, I'm okay with this being a secret. I understand what you're going through, Seif. If you go around your entire life thinking something, then all of the sudden, you're not exactly what you thought you were, it calls everything into question. It's Hell. And…I get it. No one needs to know but us…And Quistis, I guess."

The end of the sentence earned a small laugh from Seifer.

"I can't believe someone so amazing is in love with _me_." He said, smiling, completely astounded at his lover.

With much coaxing, Seifer ended up back at Quistis's dorm. She was sitting at the edge of the bed, her locks covering her face.

Seifer couldn't see her expression and immediately felt nervous.

"You were seeing him weren't you??" She asked, her tone flat. No inflections were necessary to show her anger.

"No. I just needed to take a walk." Seifer lied expertly.

The woman looked up at him from the bed and stood quickly.

"We're getting married." She said.

"We're _what_?!"

"We're getting married." Quistis said, as if it were nothing at all. "We're gonna announce it to everyone tonight. We're gonna say that we've been keeping a relationship a secret. And it's gonna be official. No more Trepies will be all over me because my 'big bad husband' will scare them away. Not only that…We'll move away. We'll leave Garden and that faggot can find another plaything. You're all the Squall I need now."

She sensed Seifer's uneasiness.

"You. Owe. Me." She said quickly. "I told Cid we're having a dinner tonight and there's an announcement. _Something_ is getting announced, Seifer."

He knew exactly what she meant.

"What's the problem??" She asked.

"I was just wondering if you should wear white or not." He said, turning on that old Almasy charm that never failed him before while his mind raced.

He knew _exactly_ what he was going to do.

It was as if his decision was being made _for_ him.

It was perfect now.

He had a plan.


	19. Outcast Chapter XIX

Outcast XIX

The hurried, subtle knock on the door could only be one person.

Squall rushed over to the door in the midst of tying his tie for the big announcement tonight and opened it, flustered and surprised to see Seifer calmer than he'd ever seen him. The blonde stepped inside, kicking the door closed behind him.

"Seifer!" Squall said, "What the fuck is going on?? Cid says Quistis has some big fucking announcement to make?? This is it, isn't it?? She's gonna fucking out us after all the bullshit she put us through!"

"No, no, no…" Seifer said, looking down at his love. He smirked and kissed the frazzled brunette lightly on the lips, "I want you to know I've got everything under control."

Squall had never seen Seifer so in touch with everything. It seemed as though a new calm had rinsed over him.

"If you tell me it'll be okay, I'll believe you." He said, desperately searching for solace.

"It'll be okay." Seifer said simply before kissing Squall again and leaving the dorm.

"…The Hell??" Squall questioned with nothing but silence to answer him.

Seifer strolled down the hall, his formal uniform fitting perfectly, hugging in all the right placed. Quistis's eyes couldn't help but scan his body when he rounded the corner.

"Hey…" She said with a sheepish grin. She never hugged or kissed him outside of the dorm. All that was going to change if they went through with the dreaded announcement ceremony that would be starting momentarily.

"Care to escort me to the assembly??" She asked, that smile never wavering.

"I'd love nothing more." Seifer swallowed the lump in his throat as Quistis locked her arm with his and they began walking down the hall.

They heard a door close behind them and instinctively turned to see Squall turning the corner, looking nervous and uneasy. Seifer looked at the woman on his arm and saw her jaw clench.

The anguish in her heart was etched into the beauty of her face. They stopped walking and let Squall pass them.

At that moment, Seifer realized what a sad woman Quistis was.

She looked down at the floor, her blue eyes coated with tears that she refused to let fall.

She just wanted someone to hold, to love, to wake up next to. She wanted someone to tell her how beautiful she was when she was feeling her worst. She needed someone to take care of her, and she was a complete wreck on her own.

Looking at this shell of a woman, Seifer realized how truly important love was. Without love, people end up alone, broken, twisted, just like the ex-instructor in front of him.

His heart pounded within his chest when he pieced together that he had everything Quistis wanted within his own grasp. He was the luckiest man in the world.

If Quistis were as lucky as he was, she would screech her love from the rooftops and protectively hold onto them everywhere they went. Not a moment would pass without him knowing how much he meant to her. She would kiss him every opportunity she got.

She would treat him like he was everything, because he truly was.

She would openly love him with everything she was.

So why the Hell wasn't Seifer??

Fear of some whispers and giggles when he walked down the hall, holding the most amazing man in the world's hand??

Some stares when they walked into town??

Gasps when they claimed each other's mouths in public??

Was that really enough incentive to deny a love so true…a love so _real_.

It was so unattainable, yet there it was, in his hands, in his heart, waiting to be recognized and acknowledged.

Seifer sniffed and blinked away the blurriness that had temporarily invaded his vision.

He sighed.

He began to walk, slightly pulling Quistis along with him.

He looked down again, her sadness was contradicting the smile she was trying to paste on her face.

The assembly was just down the hall. Seifer could hear the chattering inside. He knew his stoic lover was the owner of one of the voices and his heart fluttered once more.

He pushed the door open and all heads turned to him and the woman on his arm.

He forced a smile.

_Show Time…_


	20. Outcast Chapter XX

Outcast XX

The heads turned to them and Seifer felt a grin slide onto his face. It contradicted the nervous heart that beat so fervently beneath his pristinely pressed shirt.

They began to walk to the front of the huge room, Quistis leading slightly, looking as confident as ever, though Seifer knew the true feelings inside of her.

When they finally reached their destination, the room was deathly quiet, sounding as though everyone was holding their breath in anticipation of the grand announcement. Seifer spotted Squall in the back corner of the room, standing alone, looking quite nervous.

"Things happen that no one expects…" Quistis began, addressing everyone as they leaned in to hear what was so damn important to summon all of them. Seifer looked down at the woman next to him.

Her words were so obviously rehearsed. _Over_ rehearsed.

"When two people find each other, sometimes the feelings that they feel at their first meeting are completely different from the feelings they end up feeling."

Seifer nodded. Those words rang so true for him and Squall.

"But love can take a back seat to no emotion. Shame or nervousness or anything like that must be pushed aside for the sake of this powerful feeling."

This also rang true.

Seifer's eyes dropped to the floor as he began pondering.

Why the Hell was he being so selfish?? Squall should be ashamed of _him_, but he wasn't. He embraced him with open arms.

He shook his head, trying to extinguish the thoughts that were building up inside of it. It didn't work. Memories upon memories were flooding back to him.

He remembered sitting on the bed across from Squall when he finally found out that the lithe brunette felt the exact same way about him.

He remembered their first kiss, smothering, sucking the air out of his lungs in such a pleasurable way that he would've welcomed death if it meant he could continue this bliss.

He remembered the first time they made love, how he had never felt someone so incredibly tight. How he had never had an orgasm so powerful.

And he was denying this…??

Once again, he attempted to shake his head and bring himself back to the dreadful situation. Quistis was still prattling on about whatever it is she was prattling on about when Seifer realized he had sat idly by long enough.

"Listen, everybody…" He said, interrupting the ex-instructor and receiving an icy, yet confused glance from her. She put on yet another fake smile and looked back at the audience.

"I've got something that needs to be said…It kinda reinforces everything she's been saying, only not in the way that you'd think…I mean, it's the same feelings, but it's not between me and Quistis, it's…More complicated than that. Well, not so much complicated as it is—"

He cut himself off. Why the Hell did he always stutter and ramble when he had an _actual_ point to make?? This wasn't his usual teasing. He wasn't being a smartass. He wasn't being rude or cynical or anything like that. He was actually trying to bear his soul to everyone for the sake of him and Squall.

Why was this so fucking hard??

The blonde cleared his throat and shook his head free of thoughts once more. Everyone's eyes were on him and he knew he had to say _something_. He had to get his point across. He had to let them _know_.

"Squall Leonhart, could you come up here, please??" He asked. Murmurs or confusion were interrupted by Quistis's loud gasp.

Squall walked up to the stage slowly, trying to hide the redness that was taking captive of his cheeks.

The blonde looked at the brunette that had just stepped up next to him and took a deep breath. Without glancing back at their audience, he took the fighter's face in his hands and placed a smothering kiss on those soft lips.

There were gasps.

There was giggling.

There was whispering.

Seifer didn't give a fuck.

"This is why you've been called here." He said, sucking in a breath when the kiss finally ended. He looked out at everyone's shocked faces and grinned.

He always got satisfaction out of getting a reaction out of people.

And this was the biggest reaction he'd ever gotten.

"Quistis wanted me to run away with her, but I can't do that. I'm in love with the most amazing person in the world."

Squall blushed deeper, his mouth still agape from the shock of the powerfully public kiss.

"I'm in love with Squall Leonhart and we are…we're together. We have been for awhile. You all know he's gay and he's wanted to be open about it, but I wouldn't let him. I was too scared of what you would think. I didn't want to be called a fag. I don't like _men_. I love one man. And if that makes me a fag, then I'm a fag. I don't give a fuck anymore. If you want to look down on me for that, then so be it. As long as I'm with Squall, it really doesn't matter." 

He shot a look at the stupefied brunette and smiled again.

Then he looked to his other side and saw the fuming woman next to him.

"Quistis had been trying to blackmail us with the threat of outing our relationship. Squall didn't care. I did. I don't anymore." He looked back at her, "Quistis, say whatever the Hell you want. These people already know everything."

Quistis glared at him once again before quickly leaving the room, her heels the only sound above the whispers in the audience.

Seifer lifted the brunette in his arms and carried him out of the room as a groom would carry his bride over a threshold. He had his love. He didn't need the "respect" of all the other cadets to reinforce any supposed status he thought he had. Squall that for him.

He could hear the crowd going wild behind him, but he was lost in the tears that were streaming down his lover's face.

His mind quickly flickered from the scene and wondered what tomorrow would be like. How would they look at him when he came down for breakfast?? Would there be threats?? Could he and Squall be in danger??

"Fuck tomorrow." He thought ruefully and kissed Squall.

His warrior.

His lover.

He had all he would ever need right in his arms.

A/N: Sorry this took a million years to put up. If there's a demand for a follow-up, I'll be sure to post one, so let me know if you want this to be the **END** or not. Thanks for reading!


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